The grief over not only not being a mother, but now also suffering from feeling 'less than' because I just simply hadn't found love (or mutual love), was at times overwhelming. And as I saw couples younger than I getting sympathy for their biological infertility, I wondered why all I got were accusations of not doing enough, not trying hard enough. Trying too hard. Being too picky. Not being picky enough... And the hardest comment to defend: "You better hurry up!" (Hurry up and fall in love?)My infertility is circumstantial but my life is not barren. And to the women who are on the other side of hope, know that you are more powerful than your womb. You are maternal whether or not maternity ever comes. You are a woman and your love and how you choose to offer and receive it, is a gift.
Thank you, Melanie Notkin, for "getting" it. Some people need to realize that not every woman is lucky or fortunate enough to find the love of her life and give birth to 2+ children (or that it's perfectly okay for some women to not want children at all).
Amen, and thank you Melanie Notkin!
ReplyDeleteI know, my friend. I certainly can relate to some of those comments. The ones you and I often hear, simply because we're considered "late bloomers" by the masses, really are ridiculous. No one should make you feel inferior simply because you've taken a different path from them. You are no less of a person or less of a woman, and you are entitled to make your own choices. The only issue is that you are happy.
ReplyDeleteI read this article yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have kids because I chose not too.
I was 39 when we had our son (still am, actually!) and I understand about the insensitive comments and uncertain feelings. First, we weren't sure we wanted any kids and I had to accept that about myself so I wouldn't feel the judgement so much. Then I wasn't sure we could have kids which was more of a self-judgement.
ReplyDeleteYou are not less of a woman if you do not have children. You are able to accomplish more and different things.