Gung Hay Fat Choy!

If you would like to see what the new year has in store for you, click here.

What can I and my fellow Monkeys expect during 2012?

• The year of the Black Water Dragon will be good for learning. Monkey can take a specialization, or start learning a new profession. A representative of this zodiac sign should always learn something new. An interest in something unknown and unusual will lead him the way even more than ambitious intentions or ambitions. (Interesting. Does that bode well for my plans to study medical transcription/coding?)
• Single Monkey may meet his/her love before the new year. (Yeah, not holding my breath on that one)
• The year will be very productive, he will gladly flow into the high pace of work, and will feel at ease in the most intense affairs of 2012. Monkey skillfully using problems as a chance to show all his talents, will show himself in a team. He is optimistic, never discouraged, and even after defeat when other zodiac signs may retreat before difficulties, the Monkey will feel fine, and break forward, despite defeat.

This Could Only Be Cooler If President Clinton Was Playing The Saxophone

Nice singing voice, Mr. President!

2012 Quotables

"I don't know about everyone, but I'm sick and tired of listening to how appalled Newt Gingrich was last night when he was asked about him wanting an open marriage with his 2nd wife. That's about how appalled I am that he couldn't keep his pecker in his pants with any of his wives. Cry me a river Newt!"

-my friend Cindy's Facebook status after Newt's little hissy fit during the GOP debate in South Carolina

On a personal note: Really, South Carolina? This hypocritical douchebag led the witch hunt during the Clinton/Lewinsky affair while he was screwing around on his own wife (who was suffering from MS), yet you believe he possesses the moral character and Christian values you want in a President? Give me a break!

Why?!?!

Beavis and Butt-Head Sculptures Are So Lifelike, So Horrifying

I love Beavis and Butt-Head, but holy crap, these things are nightmare inducing! Especially Beavis. He looks like a demented Art Garfunkel strung out on meth.

Put This In The "Don't Confuse Education With Intelligence" File

Yesterday afternoon, one of the teachers I work with was seriously trying to convince me that the national language of Spain was Portugese Portugese is the national language of Portugal and Brazil, sweetie. Where does she think the term "Spanish" originated?

#Wipeyoass!

Yesterday morning at work, I needed to take a quick bathroom break, so I headed to one of the two employee-only bathrooms in the school. When I entered said bathroom, I noticed there was something brown on the toilet seat. At first, I thought it was the corner of a wet paper towel, but on closer inspection, I discovered that it was something worse...

A piece of poop.

A piece of poop from one of my adult co-workers.

What the hell?!?! Was this person hovering over the toilet when he/she attempted to drop the Cleveland Browns off at the Superbowl? Did it fall out of their underwear? Was it stuck on their ass?

All I can say is thank God I had the foresight to glance at the toilet before I sat on it. */shudder

Happiness Is...

...snuggling with a warm, fluffy kitty on a cold winter night.

Note To Self #2,135

Don't ever go two days before re-filling your Zoloft prescription. Dizziness + constant ringing in your head= buzz kill.

Enjoying This While I Can

Shitcago and Detoilet play each other tomorrow night, and since the odds of a flaming meteor hitting the United Center and destroying both teams are pretty much nil, I figure I've got a good 22 hours to savor my boys being in first place in the Central Division.

Be Still, My Heart

Is it wrong to admit that I've never wanted to be a hat so bad in my life as I do when looking at this picture?

My hockey stud muffin, Daniel Briere, taking a break during the NHL Winter Classic on January 2nd. It sucks that the New York Rangers won the game 3-2, but it was fun to watch the Flyers' Brayden Schenn score his first NHL goal. What a memory for him!

Amen To That

While the prospect of a President Santorum is scary enough to make me want to shit my pants, I'd be more terrified if either Rick Perry or Newt Gingrich took up residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue next January. I'm no fan of flip-flop Romney either, but if the Republicans win the Presidency in November (God help us all), I'd rather it be him than any of the other wastes of DNA in that party. At least Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann has dropped out of the race. *big sigh of relief*